


29. Vengeful ghosts

by tveckling



Series: Dare to Write challenge [30]
Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Benvolio is strong because someone has to be, M/M, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 09:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling
Summary: It may be Hell or it may be Heaven, Benvolio can't possibly decide.





	

Sometimes Benvolio thinks he lives in a nightmare from which he can never escape. He is now the last son and heir of the Montague family—which is more than what the Capulet has left—but it's a position he has never wanted. It was never meant that Benvolio would be more than an advisor, he was not supposed to have all the responsibilities of his family, he was never going to be someone important—yet those expectations were all turned on their heads.

There is much work for him, after the mourning period is done. He must become more familiar with the house's business, he must help mend the relations with the Capulet family, and so much else. It suits him well, actually, because the more he has to do, the less time he has for thinking and feeling the loss of those he has lost. If he works himself to the bone he can pretend easier that the ache is purely physical. But sometimes, in the moments when his tired mind has nothing to focus on, he remembers and he almost falls apart.

That's not something he can afford to do, however, not him, not Benvolio Montague, so he pulls himself together and continues his work.

It doesn't take long for him to realize that his nightmare only began that one late morning, and it is far from finished. Everywhere he turns, wherever he goes, he is attacked by memories of more pleasant days; in the shadow of that statue he and Mercutio had taken refuge one warm day, and on those stairs Romeo had composed a poem that was so awful Benvolio and Mercutio had banished him from their company until he repented, and by that fountain they had fought Tybalt and his friends. Benvolio can almost see the figures from his memories, and the hazy shapes remain even as he rubs his eyes. His eyes are aching again, so he turns away and almost manages to convince himself that he's not running.

It seems he can't shake off the past, though, even if he pretends otherwise. He doesn't notice immediately, but there are shapes following him. In the corner of his eyes he sees them, even if they are gone when he turns around, and he fears he knows them. The attempts he make to surround himself with people doesn't make a difference, but seem to make the shapes come closer instead. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, where he goes, or what he does, he is still followed by those two, and one night it is too much.

"What do you want from me?" he yells, clutching his arms hard enough to leave marks. It's better that than to try and touch them. The servants will most likely hear him, but he has moved past the point of caring.

The spirits don't say anything, but he can feel their heavy gazes, the accusation in their eyes as they look on him. Why is he alive when they are dead?

"No, don't you dare blame me! This was your doing, the result of your tempers and your insistence to keep the truth of us hidden from everyone!" He points angrily at Mercutio, ignores the dark look Tybalt sends him, and continues, "We could have calmed him down, you and me, we could have avoided bloodshed, but you just love your fights too much, don't you? You have always taken every opportunity you can get, and that was no exception, except your infuriating baiting led to both of you dying! Dying! And now what, you blame me for being the one left alive? I never wanted this! I wanted peace, I wanted us to be together, I wanted to leave Verona and go somewhere else, somewhere where we didn't have to fight every single day. You were the ones who died! You left me behind!"

At that point his voice cracks, and he swallows heavily, trying to get it to work again. His cheeks are wet, he notices with a start. He hadn't noticed his vision getting blurred; it doesn't matter as much to see then when you're shouting at dead people, he supposes and barely suppresses a manic giggle.

The two he called lovers are standing still, silently watching him with impassive faces, and Benvolio studies them. They look just like they did when he last saw them alive, sans the blood that had coated them. If he didn't know better he would think they were alive, actually standing there in his room, but he was there. He saw both of them fall. He knows that what he is seeing is impossible, a bad dream or spirits sent to haunt him for the part he played in the tragedy.

He can't decide whether he wants them to disappear or stay.

"You left me," he says quietly, his hands lying still in his lap. "I loved you both, and you left me. Do you know everything I have to do, everything I have to repair? I'm alone now, all of our parents are too old to have new children; would you want me to leave them behind too? There is a world outside of you, and even if it pains me I have to stay in it. I can't- there is so much I have to do. I can't follow you."

For a silent moment he stares at the two, then he turns around and lies down in his bed. It doesn't matter if they are still there when he wakes, it doesn't matter if they will follow him wherever he goes, it doesn't matter if he will still see them in the corner of his eye for as long as he lives; he can't leave the remains of his family behind. He can't desert them, no matter how badly he wants to. And he wants to, God above knows he wants to.


End file.
